Click here to go to the archives main page.
Other popular tags: Sony, Xbox 360, PS3, Activision, Microsoft, EA, PC, Nintendo, fail, Wii, Xbox Live, DLC, Modern Warfare 2, Xbox, Girls, journalism, Review, video, Ubisoft, Xbox Live Indie Games, UK, Kotaku, Valve, gaming, DRM, DS, Left 4 Dead, Disregarded Demographics, XNA, PSP
We’ve been through traffic wardens, chat show hosts, truck drivers and supermarket workers. PR, postmen, sewage workers and dog trainers. Now it’s time to close the file on Disregarded Demographics’ employment on Negative Gamer, but not before taking a look at one last group of people left abandoned by videogames. One closer to my heart than others: Columnists.
I’ve only really been a columnist for the last six months, on this very site. I’ve written features on a variety of subjects in my time, but I’ve never been charged with the scribing of a weekly piece that sticks to similar subject matter each time. The practice is restrictive yet strangely liberating in the freedom it allows you to ramble on, and I hope it’s been a little bit enjoyable for you guys too. Columnists crop up in just about every publication you can think of, yet you don’t see any games dedicated to them, do you? Shamefully I must admit that I’m sort of anticipating Ubisoft’s Imagine: Journalists, but still I doubt that that’s going to cover them either. Let’s face it, sitting in a chair at a computer dithering and dribbling over what to jot down next isn’t the most scintillating videogame idea that ever popped into anyone’s head. Read more →
There are too many jobs out there not represented properly in the world of video games. Even if we were to continue at a pace of one a week, we’d probably still be able to carry on for a while longer. Alas, all good things must come to an end and soon, Disregarded Demographics will disband.
Before the door closes on this column though, I’d like to take you on a whistle stop tour of a few of the subjects that weren’t chosen to be in the spotlight. Some were deemed a little too uninteresting, others were usurped in favour of more topical ideas. More still simply revolved on a single idea that could not be stretched comfortably. I present to you: the best of the rest of those ignored groups. Read more →
Driving games are common as muck. No matter what sort of vehicle you want to plow around in: NASCAR models, rally cars, Formula 1 machines, trucks, taxis or buses, there’s a game for it on the market. It’s a genre that you love or hate, or in my case it’s one I’d like to love, but I’m borderline appalling at them and so it’s best not to bother.
Through all these games we generally only take on the role of the driver. Well, that is the exciting bit, after all. At this point I might have started yapping about pit stop crews, but from the looks of the promotional trailer Microsoft will have all your wheel-screwing needs fulfilled with Natal. We can instead take the ignorance a few further steps back in the process. Contrary to what in-game shops might tell you, cars do not generally magically appear after clicking a few menu options. The car salesman patiently awaits his turn at entering the world of videogames. Read more →
If you’re a resident of the United Kingdom, chances are that you will have, at some point in the last few weeks, encountered nature’s favourite water-based hazard, ice. Peering out of my window right now reveals a sheet of clear-ish death encrusting the path that winds to my front door. We pray for the shimmer of the sun to remove the icicles from our guttering, or at least warily hope for more snow to temporarily mask the slippery trauma.
Yet stop fiddling with the woolly clothes necessary to survive the current temperatures for a few moments and you might realise that things could be far worse than they actually are. There might be the odd bruised hip or embarrassing unintentional snowboarding impression, but it’s not as if people are falling to their doom every 17 seconds. The council ninjas bearing salts and minerals are our secret saviours, totally ignored except when a complaint is to be made. Read more →
Yuletide has ambled its way upon us out of nowhere yet again, causing widespread panic as some people realise they’ve not quite actually started their present shopping yet. In theory it’s the time of goodwill for all, but for the first time ever I’m not feeling particularly Christmassy for some reason or another. To try and get myself in the mood I turn to Disregarded Demographics…
Christmas games. Not that common. Santa Claus is hardly a forgotten figure, though, so that’s him out. Elves are interesting, but they’ve been tainted forever by Flash/DS spectacular Elf Bowling, so I’m leaving them well alone. Reindeer…not really a demographic, more a species. I’m thinking too big, too mystical. Who are the main people that get into the proceedings of the season? Kids. What do they like to do? Visit Father Christmas. Santa’s Grotto workers it is. Read more →
Some of the most under-appreciated people are those who work for charity. These folk dedicate their lives to helping others, and in an increasingly cruel world that’s a beautiful thing. It’s around now that charity campaigns kick into overdrive, hoping to catch a few crumbs from the festive buffet on which many of us gorge upon joyfully. With our latest game, we’re going to give people a taster of what charity work is all about and try to encourage them to get involved, too. As such, the activities contained within are based on some of the easier things you can do to help out.
There hasn’t been much handheld love in this column for a while, so today we’re looking in the direction of probably-going-to-sell-a-bomb-again-this-Christmas: Nintendo DS. This is for two purposes. Firstly, since we’re glancing at multiple charitable roles, it seems appropriate to fit it into DS‘ mini-game culture. Secondly, people will be able to play it quickly and easily, whenever they’ve got a teensy bit of free time. The aim is to try and demonstrate how easy it is to slot charity into your life. Even just a little of your time can be valuable. Read more →
There aren’t many people you can have a chat to when you’re stuck in the middle of a motorway at 3a.m. Maybe there’s the odd way-out-of-their-territory drunken crazy. You can obviously talk to other motorists, if they’re not feeling too cranky. A more certain bet, though, would be the humble petrol station attendant. You’re guaranteed some level of jovial interaction – they’re paid, in part, to be sociable with you. Hooray!
What do they get up to when we’re not harassing them for dodgy-looking sandwiches, super-strength coffee and bags of M&M’s, though? Surely there’s more to their employed lives than this? Might they too be worthy of their own little traipse into the land of video games? Well, if a game called City Bus Simulator exists, sure they are. Read more →
UK TV’s Channel 4 saw sense a few weeks ago and decided, yes, we have had enough of eating while watching, at primetime, a pair of women picking through other peoples’ grub. Thus, after six series of mopping, scrubbing and germ-analysing, Kim Woodburn and Aggie MacKenzie’s How Clean Is Your House? was cancelled. The world continued to spin on its axis and Kim went to eat kangaroo bollocks on I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here.
Sighs of relief all around, then. But what you don’t know – what you shouldn’t know – is that the only way Channel 4 could stop Kim and Aggie from terrorising the office with relentless cleaning until they got their show back was by fulfilling a different dream. It’s a little known fact that the pair wanted to bring cleaning up the cool lists. What better way than to get their very own Wii game out there? Read more →
Square got it all wrong. They didn’t listen to their focus groups and were rewarded with average reviews, average sales, average everything. They just didn’t understand. When they had a game about bouncers mentioned, people didn’t mean they wanted the PlayStation 2 action movie-styled game The Bouncer – they wanted an actual game about…y’know, bouncers.
Here we come to save the day, then, like some haggard video game version of Jim’ll Fix It. Disregarded Demographics will produce a game based on bouncers, those knights who guard our club doors from vagabonds. It shall be fit for even the most important of the VIPs that they sometimes protect and there won’t be a CGI movie in sight. Read more →
The wind through your hair, the mud sloshing at your feet. There’s nothing quite like a run. Yes, it’s a bit hateful when you’re doing it at first, but the feeling you get afterwards is nothing short of pure joy. The action itself appears in so many games in so many guises that it’s not exactly recognised as a feature. Nintendo have capitalised on the topic of exercise with its Wii Fit titles, but there don’t seem to be any games based solely on running, which is why we’re going to have a shot at making one up in yet another Disregarded Demographics.
Since the audience is already there, it’s only fair that this should be a Wii game. For simplicity, let’s call it Wii Run and just say that the entire reason for its inception is that Shigeru Miyamoto’s interest in exercise has narrowed to focus upon running, since many of the new ideas of Nintendo are coming from the great man’s list of hobbies these days. Rather than being another attempt at a calorie-burner, though – wouldn’t want to impede on Wii Fit’s sales! – it can be more of an arcade-like game. Don’t ever complain about a lack of games for the hardcore!
Aren’t other people who go to the cinema annoying? They natter, mess with their phones, kick seats, etc. There’s no end to the irritating things they can do. Now, what do people like to do in games? Grief people, the two go hand in hand. Cinema goers are about to get their own game.
Our latest game will be pitched to EA. Simena (not to be confused with Simenema, a hospital expansion for The Sims due next year) will use The Sims 3 engine and put you in a cinema in the role of either the irritated or the irritant. As the agitator you get to do all the great things mentioned above – and much more! Your only mission is to cause as much fury as possible while avoiding ejection by a member of staff, so that you can keep the fun going for as long as possible. Read more →
After attending the Eurogamer Expo last week (bumping into the rest of the Negative cohorts very briefly), bogged down by some mystery bug, I began to think about how ignored the staff of these conventions are. Left to deal with the masses and improperly informed, I propose a game to help train them in-between shows so that they know exactly how to handle all situations.
Since this is an educational game of sorts, things must be kept simple. Rather than some kind of giant adventure, you will instead choose from a short list of roles that you might do and then go through series of exercises to expand your horizons. As a DSi title it fits well into an on-the-go training programme and the Touch Generation-style line-up. There could also be a small bonus mode where you can build your own expo, but it’s not our main focus here. Without further adieu… Read more →
This week things are different. We’re not looking at a demographic that is undeservedly disregarded; we’re peering through the abyss at one that should be brushed forcefully away post-haste. We’re not trying to rebuild a profession to its once lofty heights again, we’re going to use what little influence games may have to aid with the demolition of a group that should never have existed – step on up, British National Party (BNP).
These venal, irredeemable cretins have been lurking around our political system for far too long, spreading their thinly-veiled propaganda that essentially boils down to them wanting rid of every non-white in Britain. For some reason – mistrust of mainstream parties, pure idiocy – these racist rascals have become increasingly popular with voters and even managed to gain two seats on the European Parliament. It’s worrying, and that’s why the game world should do its tiny bit in the crusade against this worthless organisation.
The art of shoe making is dying. Long live the factory lines. Take a look at our high streets, once upon a time shoe makers were a regularly found business, but with labour being cheaper in third-world factories the demand has plummeted. How do you get a job in a jobless market? Bring back a lost career! Time for Disregarded Demographics to hop in to save the day and attempt to resurrect a profession again.
You may never have made use of a shoemaker. More likely you’d have wanted a repair done rather than having an entire new pair of shoes made, in which case a cobbler is your best friend. Thankfully these talented people are still about, but it’s not a massive consolation to anybody who wants some custom footwear. Our idea this week will take gamers on a journey through the rich history of the profession to stir up some new interest. Read more →
Video games might get heard about a fair bit in courts, whether it’s questionable blame for a violent crime or copyright issues, but the reverse is not widespread. Courts appear through games such as the Ace Attorney series, but when they do turn up it’s from an investigation or lawyer-battle perspective. What about the lords of the court, the ones who are, ultimately, the most important ones in criminal trials? Judges, you’re up.
It must be great to be a judge. You get to sit on a big high bench, nobody questions your authority and you might even get to wear a funny wig if you’re in the right country. You can tell people off and stop them bickering with just a few words. Basically, you’re The Boss. It’s a bit of a mystery why there hasn’t been a game about them, then. Probably because being right all the time and spending your life reading about the law isn’t quite as interesting as trying to physically catch those who have broken it. Not that that’s going to stop us having a crack at a game.
It’s Tuesday. You know what time it is. For tonight’s show on Disregarded Demographics we have a particularly gruesome treat – for what, pray tell, is more negative than sifting through others’ excrement for a living? It’s time for a game involving everybody’s favourite men down the drains, the sewage workers.
No, it’s not going to be as good as that bit in Ghostbusters 2 where they all go chasing after purple slime. It’s not even going to be as good as the bit in the Ghostbusters 2 Commodore 64 games where you dangle down a drain. There are no ghosts at all, so stop asking about them. You’re a sewage worker. There really doesn’t need to be much more explanation as to how crap (literally) this job is. But, seeing as I’m relatively nice for a negative kind of guy, we’re going to spark up any depressed person in this job with a shiny game all about them.
I hope none of you are in debt. It’s a bad situation to be in, especially with the recession’s beady eye still roving over the world, and so the latest Disregarded Demographics focuses upon a game that may make you think twice about taking out that loan from the dodgy looking bloke in the pub. Today is the day of the repo man.
If you’re going through recession depression in reality, the last thing you’re going to want to do in a game is flail around in a futile attempt to pay bills. Your role here, then, is that of a jolly nice bloke with a big van and a clipboard who goes around to peoples’ houses to carry off their stuff when they’ve been silly enough to miss repayments. Under the employ of a notorious loan shark, it’s up to you to get back as many coins as possible from the hapless victims struggling to pay back their borrowings. Read more →
You don’t see many postmen in games, do you? Bless them, they do all that delivering and don’t even get a nod. There’s a Postman Pat game or two, but they don’t really count – the most recent DS one was just an excuse to do word searches with a friendly character backing it. We need a proper game, really getting into the nitty gritty of what they do.
And thus we have Postman, the unofficial sequel to Paper Boy. Deciding that his skills at avoiding tyres and smashing windows were too good to waste, Royal Mail managed to persuade the lad to come over to the UK and continue with the delivering he was born to do. Just to make things interesting, this game takes a slightly fantastical approach to the postal service in having you cycle through a few different roles each working week so that you get a fuller range of activities. It’s not too much more exciting, though. Read more →
It’s far easier for the video game consumer to understand journalists or developers than anybody else, seeing as these are the people they either have the most contact with or hear the most from. However, the cogs of the industry, or indeed many others, would not turn were it not for the efforts of public relations people. This time we’re going to give those PR the chance to appear in their own game rather than promoting somebody else’s.
Now, we all know what PR people do. They are the ones that act as a bridge between those covering and those creating products, and they are responsible for the promotion and growth of whatever commodity it is that they are selling. PR: The Game puts you in the boots of a hapless beginner in the field of public relations. Take your pick of industry and then go out there and get those goods sold. Sorry if you’re expecting lots of wacky mini-games – this is a straight simulation, so it’s mice and keyboards at the ready.
Today we’re going to learn about animal behavioural specialists. Without these guys we’d have no chance in knowing when a rabid bear is about to strike or whether our pet dogs are really happy to see us or are just trying to disguise the fact that they’ve trailed mud all over the kitchen floor. So let’s raise a pooper scooper in salute to yet another demographic that deserves a game.
Cesar Millan, also known as The Dog Whisperer, has already got his own software out there, but it’s one of those mini-game things that supposedly teaches you dog-calming techniques in the real world. And it looks terribly boring. No, my approach is better. We’re going third person adventure game and traveling the Earth.
iTunes