Peter "SurplusGamer"
Editorial, Article Monday, November 30th 2009

4 Comments

Dear Torchlight,

It pains me to say this, it really does, but I can’t lie to you any more, Torch: it’s over.

When we first met, I was full of hope and optimism for the future. It seemed like nothing could go wrong – despite the fact that I hadn’t dated a PC game for a long while, it was as if I’d never left. Every night, instead of slouching on my comfortable sofa and firing up a console I would turn my gaming PC on, wait for the old thing to load (which takes an annoying while, nowadays) and sit in a cramped corner of my room just to spend time with you. One weekend we spent apart, I thought about you all the time, telling people, even those who clearly had no interest, how cute you looked, how good to me you were and how nice you smelled if I leaned in close to the monitor.

Sadly, none of this was to last. When I finished your main quest it was as if a spell had been broken, or some sort of fog had dissipated and I could finally see you more clearly. Or, to put it another way… well, it’s complicated.

I suppose, Torch, I suddenly realised what I had been doing with you this whole time. You’d chuck monsters at me, I’d click and they’d die. Sometimes I’d need to press a few other keys, but that was more or less the extent of the relationship. It was almost as if you didn’t really mind what we were doing – like you were just distracting me with busywork and special effects in the stretches between what you really care about: loot.

Oh, Torchlight, when it comes to loot it’s like you’re a completely different person. Suddenly you’re firing on all cylinders, a veritable loot managing machine, a force of nature when it comes to the collecting and subsequent sorting of miscellaneous crap. You give me a variety of different boxes that I can store this loot in, even ones that let me transfer between characters. You sell it to me at a variety of vendors, some of which live in the dungeons themselves. You let me send my cat off to sell stuff in town so that I hardly ever need to interrupt my relentless collecting of – yes – more loot.  Yes, in matters looty there is nothing that you won’t do to tend to my every need, keep me informed, empowered and hungry for more. Make no mistake, Torch, you are the best shopping partner I have ever met in my life.

All that is fine, as far as it goes, but I can’t shake this feeling that you’re leading me on a merry but essentially empty dance around these dungeons when all you really care about is stuff. Sometimes I feel like our time together could have been just as fulfilling if it had simply been a series of trips between a treasure room and the various vendors, cutting out all the rest of it completely. That doesn’t make you a bad person, Torch, but it does make you… well, it makes you a little shallow.

There, I said it. It’s not like you don’t try – whenever I see your skill trees, your variety of environments and range of spells I know you’re making an effort to appeal to the side of me that wants something deeper. You can’t fool me, though: I can see you’ve got one eye on that treasure chest at all times and those gestures are just not enough. Not if this was supposed to be serious, between us; not if this was going to last.

I know that  I may be being a little unfair on you, Torchlight. After all, you are exactly who you claimed to be. You didn’t do anything to mislead me about your intentions at the start; I went into this with my eyes wide open. However, the very fact that you are so good at what you do throws into sharp relief all of the things that you don’t do and only serves as a reminder to me that I need more for a long lasting, truly fulfilling relationship. I tried to tell you this once and you said “Wait! There’s a mod community already starting to thrive – they could give you just what you need!” Perhaps that’s true, Torch, but I can’t just sit around in hope that someone else will come in and fill in the gaps for you.

I’m sure it’s painful and it sounds like I’m trying to cut you down simply for being yourself, so hear this: don’t ever change, Torchlight. You’re a credit to your genre, honestly, and next time I feel like going on a big shopping trip, I can’t think of anyone I’d rather spend the time with. I just want you to understand me when I say it’s just stuff. There’s more to life and I want to get out there and experience it.

So how about it? Can we still be friends? I know that with your infinite dungeon and up-and-coming MMO you were probably hoping for something more long-term and I’m sorry if you feel like I was leading you on. I do truly think you’re special but you’re special like a smile on the London Underground, or an unexpected cupcake – not like a lover.

Yours, but not infinitely,

Peter “SurplusGamer”